We are lonelier than ever. It sounds like a cliché because we hear it constantly, but the data from the U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the epidemic of loneliness confirms that roughly half of U.S. adults feel a profound sense of isolation. It’s weird, right? We have the internet. We have Slack channels and Facebook groups and neighborhood apps that ping us every time a package is delivered. Yet, the actual feeling of "belonging" remains elusive for most.
This brings us to the core of Peter Block’s seminal work, community the structure of belonging. Honestly, Block hits on something that most urban planners and corporate HR departments completely miss. He argues that community isn’t just a group of people living near each other or working together. It’s a specific way of being. It’s a structure.
If the structure is weak, the community fails. You can’t just throw people in a room and expect magic.
The Problem with the "Retributive" Mindset
Most of our modern social structures are built on a "retributive" or "deficiency" model. Think about it. When something goes wrong in a neighborhood, what’s the first thing people do? They look for someone to blame. They look for a leader to fix it. We treat our communities like systems that need to be managed by experts rather than places where we actually live and care for one another.
Block suggests that community the structure of belonging is actually undermined by our obsession with leaders. We’ve been trained to be "consumers" of our communities. We pay our taxes or our HOA fees and expect a service in return. If the park is dirty, we complain to the city. If the school is failing, we blame the principal.
This creates a culture of "waiting." We wait for someone else to create the belonging for us. But belonging isn’t a product you buy. It’s a byproduct of accountability.
In a healthy structure, the focus shifts from "what are they doing for us?" to "what can we create together?" It sounds simple. It’s actually incredibly hard to do because it requires us to stop being passive observers of our own lives.
Shifting from Conversations of Problems to Conversations of Possibility
Most community meetings are depressing. You’ve probably been to one. Everyone sits in rows, looking at the back of someone else's head, while a "leader" at the front talks at them. The discussion is almost always about what’s wrong. We talk about crime. We talk about traffic. We talk about the "problem" people.
Peter Block argues that if you want to change community the structure of belonging, you have to change the way you talk. He identifies several types of conversations that actually build belonging:
- Possibility: This isn't about solving a problem; it's about asking, "What can we create here that has never existed before?"
- Ownership: Asking people, "To what extent are you responsible for the climate of this group?"
- Dissent: This one is huge. In many groups, if you disagree, you’re seen as a "troublemaker." But a real community needs space for people to say "no" without being kicked out. If you can’t say no, your "yes" doesn't mean anything.
- Gifts: Instead of looking at what people lack (the deficiency model), we look at what they bring. What is the gift you have that this community needs?
Think about the last time you were in a group where someone actually asked you what your unique gift was. It probably hasn't happened recently. Our modern world is obsessed with "fixing" people. We want to fix the poor, fix the uneducated, fix the "difficult" neighbor. Block says: stop fixing. Start connecting.
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The Small Group is the Unit of Transformation
Large-scale change is a myth. You don’t change a city of 500,000 people by making a big announcement. Change happens in small groups of 3 to 12 people. Why? Because you can’t hide in a group of three. You have to show up. You have to speak.
This is where the physical structure matters. If you want to build community the structure of belonging, get rid of the rows of chairs. Put people in circles. Don’t have a "head" of the table. The architecture of the space dictates the quality of the connection.
Why We Struggle with Accountability
Accountability is a scary word. Most people associate it with punishment. In the context of belonging, however, accountability just means being the cause of your own experience.
Most of us act like "victims" of our communities. "The neighborhood is going downhill." "The company culture is toxic." "Nobody ever invites me anywhere." When we talk like this, we are giving away our power. We are saying that we have no agency in the community the structure of belonging.
Block challenges this by suggesting that we are all "co-creators." If the neighborhood is boring, it’s because you aren't making it interesting. If the culture is toxic, what are you doing—even in small ways—to contribute to that toxicity or to challenge it?
It’s an uncomfortable realization. It’s much easier to blame a mayor or a CEO than it is to look at your own front porch and realize you haven't spoken to your neighbor in three years.
The Role of "The Stranger" in Our Midst
A massive barrier to belonging is our fear of the "other." We tend to build "gated" communities—not just with literal walls, but with social ones. We hang out with people who think like us, look like us, and earn what we earn.
But a true community, according to the principles of community the structure of belonging, must be hospitable to the stranger.
Hospitality isn't just being "nice." It's the radical act of making room for someone who doesn't "fit." When we exclude the stranger, we actually shrink our own world. We become more fragile. The structure of our belonging becomes brittle because it can't handle diversity or conflict.
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Real-World Examples of Structured Belonging
Look at the "Asset-Based Community Development" (ABCD) movement, pioneered by Jody Kretzmann and John McKnight. This is community the structure of belonging in action. Instead of mapping a neighborhood by its needs (poverty rates, crime stats), they map it by its assets.
They find the grandmother who knows how to garden. They find the teenager who is great at fixing bikes. They find the local business owner who has an empty back room. By connecting these assets, the community begins to heal itself from the inside out. They don't wait for a government grant. They use what they have.
Another example is "Restorative Justice" circles. Instead of the retributive model—where a judge (the expert) punishes an offender—the offender, the victim, and the community sit in a circle. They talk about the harm done. They talk about how to make it right. The "structure" is the circle. The goal is belonging and restoration, not just isolation and punishment.
Misconceptions About Belonging
People often think belonging is a feeling. It’s not. It’s an action.
You don't "feel" like you belong and then join in. You join in, you take risks, you share your gifts, and then the feeling of belonging emerges. We have the order backward. We wait for the "vibe" to be right before we commit. Block argues that commitment is the prerequisite for the vibe.
Also, belonging isn't the same as "fitting in." Fitting in is changing yourself to be accepted. Belonging is being accepted for who you are. The structure of the community must be flexible enough to allow for authenticity. If you have to wear a mask to be part of the group, you don't actually belong; your mask does.
How to Actually Build a Structure of Belonging
If you're looking at your own life—your neighborhood, your workplace, your local club—and realizing it feels hollow, you can change the structure. It doesn't require a revolution. It requires a shift in how you show up.
Change Your Questions
Stop asking "How do we fix this?" and start asking "What is the crossroads we are at right now?" or "What is the promise we are willing to make to each other?"
Questions are more powerful than answers. An answer closes a conversation. A good question opens it. In community the structure of belonging, the goal is to keep the conversation open as long as possible.
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Invitation Over Mandate
You can't force people to belong. You can't make community "mandatory." That just creates resentment.
The most powerful tool for building community is the "invitation." An invitation recognizes the other person's freedom. "I’m starting a project, and I’d love for you to be part of it, but I understand if you can't."
When people show up because they were invited—not because they were told to—the energy in the room changes. They are there by choice. That choice is the foundation of ownership.
Focus on the Edges
Usually, the same five people run everything in a community. They’re the "core." To strengthen the community the structure of belonging, you have to stop focusing on the core and start looking at the edges.
Who isn't in the room? Why aren't they there? What would it take to make them feel like their gifts are needed? Not "welcomed," but needed. There is a huge difference. Being welcomed is being a guest. Being needed is being a member.
Actionable Steps for Today
If you want to move toward a more structured sense of belonging, you can start small.
- Host a "Possibility" Gathering: Invite four neighbors over. Don't have an agenda. Don't talk about the HOA or the trash pickup. Ask one question: "What is a version of this neighborhood that would make us all proud to live here?"
- Rearrange the Chairs: Next time you have a meeting, put the chairs in a circle. No tables. No podiums. See how the conversation changes when everyone is on the same level.
- Identify a Gift: Think of someone in your circle who seems "difficult." Stop trying to figure out how to "handle" them. Instead, try to identify one gift they have that the group is missing. Ask them to share that gift.
- Practice Dissent: The next time you disagree with a group decision, say so. But do it with the intent of staying connected. "I don't agree with this direction, and I want to stay in the conversation to help us find a better one."
Building community the structure of belonging is slow work. It’s "small" work. It’s the work of showing up, being honest, and refusing to let experts or leaders take responsibility for the place where you live your life. It’s about moving from being a consumer of community to being a citizen of one.
The structure is there. We just have to decide to step into it. It starts with a circle, a question, and the courage to stop blaming and start creating.