You’ve probably seen the cover. It’s usually a deep, soulful red or a weathered earthy tone, featuring a depiction of the Virgin Mary that looks nothing like the sterile, plastic statues found in gift shops. This is Untie the Strong Woman, a book that isn't really a book in the traditional sense. It’s more of a psychic excavation. Written by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés—the same psychoanalyst and cantadora who gave the world Women Who Run With the Wolves—this work tackles something incredibly specific: the "Blessed Mother" archetype.
But don't get it twisted. This isn't a Sunday school lesson.
Honestly, most people approach this text expecting a religious devotional. They end up finding a fierce, wild, and often provocative deconstruction of what it means to be a woman who carries the weight of the world. Estés argues that the "Strong Woman" archetype has been bound, muzzled, and relegated to a one-dimensional symbol of silent suffering. When you untie the strong woman, you aren’t just looking at a religious figure; you’re looking at the repressed, fierce protective instinct within the human soul.
The Myth of the "Silent" Mother
We’ve been sold a version of the feminine that is remarkably quiet. Think about the classic iconography. You see a woman with downcast eyes, hands folded, someone who accepts everything without a peep. Dr. Estés, who grew up in a "polyglot" environment of Hungarian and Mexican traditions, saw something different. She saw the Guadalupe. She saw the Our Lady of Guadalupe not as a passive figure, but as a revolutionary who appeared to an indigenous man to challenge the religious status quo of the time.
The book is a collection of stories, prayers, and personal "recollections" that serve as a crowbar. It pries open the box we’ve put "strength" into. Dr. Estés uses the term La Nuestra Señora (Our Lady) to describe a force that is both terrifying and infinitely compassionate. It’s the kind of strength that doesn't just endure—it acts.
She tells these stories through the lens of a Jungian analyst. This matters because it moves the conversation from "Do you believe in this deity?" to "How does this power manifest in your life?" Most people feel exhausted. They feel like they have to be "strong" by staying silent and absorbing trauma. Estés says that’s not strength. That’s a hostage situation.
Why Untie the Strong Woman Matters Right Now
The world is loud. It's frantic. Everyone is burnt out.
If you look at the statistics on burnout—especially among women in caregiving roles or high-pressure careers—the numbers are staggering. A 2023 study from Deloitte found that nearly half of women reported feeling consistently stressed or burnt out. Why? Because the cultural script for a "strong woman" is someone who has no needs. Someone who is a bottomless well.
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Untie the Strong Woman challenges this by reintroducing the "Wild Mother." This is the version of the feminine that says "No." This is the force that protects the vulnerable and refuses to be "nice" when "just" is required.
The Cultural Misconception
People think being strong means being unbreakable. That’s a lie. Steel is strong, but it snaps under enough pressure. Water is truly strong because it’s fluid. It goes around obstacles. It wears down rock over time.
Estés focuses heavily on the idea of the "Force of the Soul." She uses different names for this throughout the book:
- The Lady in Red
- The Mother of Compassion
- The Great Soul
- The protector of the unwanted
Each of these isn't just a title. They are functions of a healthy psyche. When you lose touch with the "Protector" side of yourself, you let people walk all over you. When you lose the "Compassionate" side, you become brittle and bitter. The book is basically a manual for recalibrating these inner scales.
The Stories That No One Tells
One of the most striking parts of the book is how Estés handles the concept of "The Blessed Mother" in the context of real-world suffering. She recounts stories from her own life—working with traumatized populations, veterans, and people who have lost everything.
She speaks of a "Mother" who isn't found in a cathedral, but in the mud.
This is the "untying" part. You have to untie the archetype from the rafters of the church and bring it down into the grit of everyday life. She writes about the "God-made-flesh" in a way that feels incredibly grounded. It’s about the woman who works three jobs to keep her kids fed. It’s about the person who stands up to a bully in the workplace. These are the modern manifestations of the "Strong Woman."
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The "Wild" Element
If you've read Women Who Run With the Wolves, you know Estés loves the word "wild." She doesn't mean "out of control." She means "natural."
A wild forest isn't chaotic; it has its own perfect, complex order. A "wild" woman is one who follows her own internal compass rather than the directions whispered (or shouted) by society. Untie the Strong Woman suggests that the most natural version of the feminine is one that is deeply protective and fiercely creative.
Practical Ways to "Untie" Your Own Strength
You don't need to be a scholar of Jungian psychology to get something out of this. You don't even need to be religious. The book operates on the level of "heart-knowledge."
- Stop equating "nice" with "good." Being nice is often just a social mask to avoid conflict. Being good often requires making people uncomfortable. The "Strong Woman" archetype is good, but she isn't always nice.
- Reclaim your "No." Estés talks about the power of refusal. If you are constantly tied up by other people's expectations, you have no energy left for your own soul’s work.
- Find your "Mothers." This doesn't have to be your biological mother. Look for the mentors, the historical figures, or the archetypes that embody the kind of fierce love you need.
- Practice "Relentless Compassion." This starts with yourself. You cannot "untie" a soul that you are constantly whipping with self-criticism.
The Problem with Modern "Empowerment"
Modern "girl boss" culture is often just the old "Strong Woman" trap with a new coat of paint. It still demands that you do everything, be everything, and look perfect while doing it. It’s exhausting. It’s also a form of being "tied."
Estés offers an alternative. Her version of empowerment is much older and much deeper. It’s about "the standing-tallness." It’s about knowing that you belong to a long lineage of survivors and creators. She uses the imagery of the Guadalupe—a figure who stands on the moon and is clothed with the sun—to remind the reader that their true nature is cosmic, not just corporate.
It's kinda wild when you think about it. We live in a world of AI and instant gratification, yet we're still turning back to these ancient stories to figure out how to be human. Maybe that's because the human heart hasn't changed all that much. We still need protection. We still need to feel like our lives have a deeper meaning than just a series of transactions.
A Legacy of Soul-Work
Dr. Estés is now in her late 70s, and her work continues to resonate because it doesn't offer easy answers. It offers "tasks."
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Untie the Strong Woman asks you to look at where you've been muzzled. Where have you been told to keep your "miracles" to yourself? Where have you been told that your anger is "unbecoming" rather than a righteous response to injustice?
The "Strong Woman" is often portrayed as a martyr. Estés says: No more martyrs. We need living, breathing, vibrant examples of the sacred feminine. We need people who are willing to be "untied" so they can help untie others.
Key Insights for the Journey
- Strength is not silence. It is the ability to speak the truth even when your voice shakes.
- Archetypes are tools. Use the story of the "Blessed Mother" as a mirror to see your own capacity for endurance and rebirth.
- The "Wild" is essential. Without a connection to your natural instincts, you will always be easily controlled by external forces.
- Community matters. Estés often refers to the "Sisterhood of the Scarred." There is a unique power in sharing stories of survival.
Moving Forward: Actionable Steps
If you feel like your own "strong woman" is currently tied up in knots, start small.
First, identify one area of your life where you are performing "strength" rather than living it. Are you staying in a job that drains your soul because you're "strong enough to handle it"? That’s a knot.
Second, find a story. It could be from Estés’ book, or it could be a family legend. Find a story of a woman who broke the rules for the sake of love or justice. Carry that story with you.
Third, engage in some form of "soul-tending." This isn't self-care in the "bubble bath" sense. It’s more rigorous. It’s writing, or painting, or walking in the woods, or protesting. It’s anything that makes you feel like your soul is actually inhabiting your body.
The goal isn't to become a saint. The goal is to become a whole human being. When you untie the strong woman, you're not just freeing an archetype; you're freeing yourself from the narrow, suffocating definitions of what a woman "should" be. You're stepping into a much larger, much older, and much more beautiful story.
Stop trying to be the "strong woman" the world expects. Be the one who is untied, unbossed, and unapologetically alive. That is where the real power lives. It’s messy, it’s loud, and it’s exactly what the world needs right now.