Growing up is hard. Now, imagine doing it while being told the world outside your fence is literally inhabited by demons or that your parents aren't actually your parents—the "Leader" is. For many, children of the cult isn't a catchy Netflix documentary title. It’s a lived, breathing, often terrifying reality that shapes their brain chemistry before they even hit puberty.
It’s messy.
When we talk about groups like the Children of God (now The Family International), the Branch Davidians, or the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS), the focus usually lands on the charismatic, often narcissistic leaders. We obsess over the guys in the robes. But the kids? They are the "silent majority" of these movements. They didn't choose to join. They were born into a pre-packaged reality where dissent wasn't just naughty; it was soul-threatening.
The Psychological Blueprint of a Cult Childhood
What does it do to a kid? Honestly, it rewires them.
Experts like Dr. Janja Lalich, a professor emerita of sociology who has spent decades studying cultic dynamics, point out that children in these environments suffer from a total lack of "self-concept." If you are told from age four that your only purpose is to serve a specific deity or leader, you don't develop hobbies. You don't have a "favorite color" because the leader likes blue, so you like blue.
It's called "bounded choice."
You think you're making decisions, but the walls are so high you can't see any other options. In the FLDS, for instance, under Warren Jeffs, children were often separated from their biological parents. This wasn't accidental. It was a tactical strike against natural bonding. If you love your mom more than the Prophet, the Prophet loses power. So, the Prophet breaks that bond.
Kids are incredibly resilient, sure. But they are also sponges. When a child is raised in the People's Temple (Jonestown), they aren't just learning scriptures; they are learning that the "outside" is a place of certain death. By the time the tragedy in Guyana happened in 1978, the children were already primed to believe that the "revolutionary suicide" was an act of protection. That's a heavy burden for a seven-year-old.
Education (or the Lack Thereof)
Most cults hate outside schools. They hate them.
Education is a threat because it teaches critical thinking, and critical thinking is the "kryptonite" of a high-control group. Many children of the cult are homeschooled using proprietary curricula that emphasize dogma over decimals. In the Twelve Tribes communities, for example, children are often trained in manual labor from a young age. They learn to work. They learn to obey. They don't necessarily learn how to navigate a world that requires a bank account, a social security number, or a basic understanding of how a democratic government works.
Breaking Out: The "Fish Out of Water" Problem
Leaving is only the first step. For many survivors, the day they walk out is the scariest day of their lives.
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Imagine you’ve spent 20 years being told that the "World" is a pit of fire and sin. You step out onto a sidewalk in Los Angeles or New York. You have no money. You have no resume. You don't understand slang. You might not even know how to use a credit card or order at a Starbucks.
It's culture shock on steroids.
Take the case of the "Lost Boys" of the FLDS. These were teenage boys kicked out of their communities so that the older men would have fewer competitors for wives. They were dumped on the side of the road in places like St. George, Utah, with nothing but the clothes on their backs. They didn't know how to survive in the 21st century because their world was stuck in the 19th.
The Trauma is Physical
It’s not just "in your head."
Growing up in a high-stress, high-control environment keeps the body in a constant state of fight-or-flight. This means high cortisol levels. This means the amygdala—the brain's alarm system—is permanently switched to "on." Survivors often deal with complex PTSD (C-PTSD), which manifests as autoimmune issues, chronic pain, and severe sleep disturbances.
The body remembers what the mind tries to suppress.
Real Stories, Real People
We see names like Riley Keough (granddaughter of Elvis) or Joaquin Phoenix and think of them as Hollywood royalty. But Phoenix was a child in the Children of God. He has spoken about how his parents thought they were joining a religious group with similar values, only to realize later it was something much darker. His family got out early, which is a rarity.
For others, like the children of the Westboro Baptist Church, the exit is a public, painful divorce from everything they knew. Megan Phelps-Roper, the granddaughter of the church's founder, became a prominent voice for the group on Twitter before she started talking to people—actual people—on the outside. Those conversations broke the spell. She realized that the "monsters" she was taught to hate were actually just humans.
That realization is devastating. It means your entire family is wrong. And if they are wrong about the "monsters," what else are they wrong about? Everything.
The Myth of the "Brainwashed" Child
People love the word "brainwashed." It's easy. It makes it sound like a light switch was flipped.
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The reality for children of the cult is more like a slow, steady drip of water on a stone. It’s "thought reform." You aren't hypnotized; you are conditioned. You are rewarded for compliance and punished for "independent thought." In some groups, children are encouraged to spy on their parents. If Dad says something bad about the Leader, the child reports it. This destroys the family unit and replaces it with the "cult family."
It's not a mystery why people stay. They stay because they have nowhere else to go.
If you leave, you are "shunned." In groups like the Jehovah's Witnesses (which many ex-members describe as having cultic leanings regarding shunning), leaving means your mother, your father, and your siblings are forbidden from speaking to you. You are dead to them. For a child or a young adult, that is a psychological death sentence.
The Role of Physical Discipline
Many high-control groups use "spare the rod, spoil the child" as a literal command. In the now-defunct (in its original form) community of the Worldwide Church of God or the more contemporary instances in various isolated "Bible-based" cults, physical discipline is used to break the will.
The goal? Submission. Total, unquestioning submission.
Moving Toward Healing and Integration
The good news is that people do recover. It just takes a long time.
Therapists who specialize in cult recovery, such as those working with the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA), focus on "deprogramming" without the 1970s-style kidnapping. It's about slowly rebuilding the individual's ability to trust their own senses.
- Trusting your gut: Cult kids are taught that their intuition is "Satanic" or "selfish." Learning to trust a "bad feeling" is a major milestone.
- Financial Literacy: Learning how money works in a capitalist society is a practical necessity that often gets overlooked in trauma recovery.
- Social Integration: How do you make friends when you've been taught that everyone is an enemy? It starts with small steps.
Recovery isn't a straight line. It's a jagged, messy, frustrating process. Some survivors struggle with addiction as a way to numb the noise. Others become "over-achievers," trying to prove their worth to a world they don't quite feel part of yet.
What Most People Get Wrong
The biggest misconception is that these kids are "weak" or "stupid."
In reality, children who grow up in these environments are often incredibly intelligent and observant. They had to be. They had to navigate a minefield every single day just to survive. When they get out, that survival instinct can be turned into incredible drive.
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They aren't victims; they are survivors. There is a huge difference.
If you know someone who has come out of a high-control group, don't pity them. Don't ask them if they "saw the crazy stuff." They lived it. Instead, offer them a sense of normalcy. Offer them a seat at a dinner table where no one is going to judge their "purity" or their "faith."
Actionable Steps for Support and Self-Recovery
If you are a survivor or looking to help one, the path forward requires tangible actions rather than just "positive thinking."
1. Seek Specialized Therapy
Standard talk therapy can sometimes fail cult survivors because the therapist may not understand the specific mechanics of "undue influence." Look for clinicians specifically trained in C-PTSD or cult recovery. Organizations like the ICSA provide directories of vetted professionals.
2. Focus on "Life Skills" Education
For many children of the cult, the gap in knowledge is practical. Use free resources like Khan Academy or local community college workshops to bridge the gap in history, science, and financial management. Knowledge is the best defense against being drawn into another high-control group.
3. Build a "Chosen Family"
Since biological families often remain in the cult or are forced to shun the leaver, building a new support network is vital. This can be found in hobby groups, sports teams, or "ex-member" support groups (though be careful—sometimes these groups can become echo chambers of trauma).
4. Document the Reality
Journaling helps reclaim the narrative. Cults thrive on gaslighting—telling you that what you saw or felt didn't actually happen. Writing down your memories helps anchor you in your own truth, making it harder for others to manipulate your past.
5. Establish Financial Independence
The greatest tool a cult has is a member's dependence. If you are helping someone leave, focus on the "exit fund." A bank account the cult doesn't know about is often the first step toward freedom.
Leaving a cult isn't just about walking out of a door. It's about walking into yourself. It's a long road, but for the first time, you're the one holding the map.