Words take on a life of their own once they hit the internet. Honestly, that’s exactly what happened with Charlie Kirk. Before his death in late 2025, a specific clip of him talking about empathy started circling the digital drain, and it hasn't stopped since. You've probably seen the snippet. It's the one where he looks into the camera and basically calls empathy a scam.
People got mad. Really mad.
But if you actually listen to the whole thing, he wasn't just being a "grinch" for the sake of it. He was making a very specific, albeit controversial, distinction between empathy and sympathy. He thought one was a political weapon and the other was a genuine human virtue.
The Full Quote: What Did He Actually Say?
Let’s get the exact wording down so we aren't shadowboxing with a ghost. On October 12, 2022, during an episode of The Charlie Kirk Show, he went on a bit of a riff. It wasn't a scripted speech; it was one of those off-the-cuff moments that pundits love.
"I can't stand the word empathy, actually. I think empathy is a made-up, new-age term, and it does a lot of damage. I much prefer the word compassion, and I much prefer the word sympathy. Empathy is where you try to feel someone's pain and sorrows as if they're your own. Compassion allows for understanding. I prefer the word sympathy, because politics has weaponized empathy."
He didn't stop there, though. He brought up Bill Clinton’s famous "I feel your pain" line from the 90s. To Kirk, that was the ultimate "brilliant political move" that was also "total nonsense." He argued that empathy, in a political context, is often used to shut down logical debate by centering everything on feelings rather than facts or outcomes.
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Why He Hated the Word
Kirk’s beef with empathy wasn't that he wanted people to be cold-hearted. It’s more that he viewed "empathy" as a sort of psychological impossibility that leads to bad decision-making.
He called it "narcissistic."
Think about it. If I try to feel exactly what you feel, I’m making your experience about my own emotional state. Kirk argued that this "becoming the other person" is a fantasy. You can't actually be them. When you try, you lose the objective distance needed to actually solve a problem.
Empathy vs. Sympathy
This is where the nuance hides. Kirk wasn't against caring about people. He was a big fan of sympathy.
- Sympathy: "I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I want to help."
- Empathy: "I am feeling your pain as if it is happening to me."
For Kirk, sympathy is outward-facing and productive. It acknowledges suffering without getting drowned in it. Empathy, on the other hand, he viewed as an "unclean spirit" that could "destabilize" institutions like the church or the government. He basically thought that if we base our laws on who can cry the loudest or who makes us feel the most "empathetic" at the moment, we’ll end up with a chaotic society that ignores long-term consequences.
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The "Toxic Empathy" Connection
You can't talk about Kirk's views without mentioning Allie Beth Stuckey. She literally wrote the book on this—Toxic Empathy. Kirk was a vocal supporter of her thesis.
The idea is that empathy becomes "toxic" when it’s used to justify things that are actually harmful in the long run. A classic example they often cited was border policy or criminal justice reform. If you focus solely on the immediate "pain" of a person crossing the border or a person in prison, you might ignore the broader safety of the community.
In their view, "empathy" is the bait that leads to "compassion fatigue" or, worse, the erosion of the rule of law. It’s a tough pill to swallow for a culture that has been told for decades that empathy is the highest form of human connection.
The Backlash and the Irony
The irony of this whole thing is almost too heavy. After Kirk was killed in September 2025, this quote became a massive talking point again.
On one side, you had people saying, "See? He hated empathy, so why should we show him any?" This led to some pretty ugly celebrations on social media. People like professional counselor Jeff Guenther even weighed in, saying it’s okay not to feel empathy for someone whose values you find harmful.
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On the other side, his supporters argued that the lack of empathy shown toward his family proved his point. They felt the reaction to his death was "selective empathy" at its worst. It’s a circular argument that just keeps spinning.
Does the Distinction Hold Up?
If you look at the science, Kirk’s take is actually somewhat supported by psychologists like Paul Bloom, who wrote Against Empathy. Bloom argues that empathy is a "spotlight" that focuses on one person while ignoring the thousands of others we don't see.
However, most researchers—like Brené Brown—would say Kirk got the definition wrong. Brown argues that empathy is a "tool of compassion" and that it’s about being "present" to pain, not hijacking it.
The Bottom Line on the Quote
Kirk’s "made-up, new-age" comment was likely a hyperbolic way of attacking the usage of the word in modern discourse. He wasn't a fan of the "therapeutic" turn in American politics. He wanted things to be about principles, traditions, and hard truths—not how someone felt during a town hall meeting.
Whether you agree with him or not, the quote reflects a deep-seated divide in how we view the "correct" way to care for our neighbors. Is it about feeling their pain, or is it about doing what we think is right for them, even if it feels "cold" in the moment?
Actionable Insights for Navigating the Empathy Debate:
- Define Your Terms: Next time you're in a heated debate, ask the other person what they mean by "empathy." Are they talking about understanding a perspective (Cognitive Empathy) or feeling the emotion (Affective Empathy)?
- Check the "Spotlight": If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by a specific story, try to zoom out. Ask yourself if your emotional response is causing you to ignore broader facts or other people involved.
- Practice Sympathy First: If "feeling someone's pain" feels too heavy or impossible, start with sympathy. Acknowledge the hardship and offer tangible help without needing to replicate their emotional state.
- Read the Counter-Arguments: To understand the full context of this cultural shift, look into both Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown and Against Empathy by Paul Bloom. Seeing both sides of the "empathy" coin will help you understand why this quote from Kirk touched such a nerve.