You’ve seen the mantelpiece. You’ve noticed the dust gathering on the old ship-in-a-bottle in the living room. Most players just walk past it on their way to flirt with a literal wall or a vacuum cleaner, but honestly, you're missing out on one of the most unhinged characters in the game. Captain Jacques Pierrot isn't just a piece of decor; he’s the 27th dateable character in Date Everything, and he is a total mood.
Jacques is basically what happens if you take the bravado of a high-seas pirate and shove it into a glass jar the size of a toaster. He’s a short king—literally, he’s tiny—and he is voiced by the legendary JB Blanc. If that name sounds familiar, it's because he’s the same guy who voiced Vander in Arcane and Caustic in Apex Legends. Hearing that gravelly, intimidating voice coming out of a man wearing a thimble for a hat is a level of comedy you just can't manufacture.
The Vibe Check: Who Is Captain Jacques Pierrot?
Let’s get one thing straight: Jacques is delusional. But in a fun way! He tells stories about his time as a fearsome pirate, claiming he was assembled in Pegwell Bay, which sounds fancy until you realize he’s basically a craft project. He’s wearing mismatched buttons and a white plastic bread tie as a belt. His weapon of choice? A bright pink plastic cocktail pick.
He’s loud. He’s self-assured. He spends a good chunk of his time narrating his own actions like he’s in a high-stakes action movie. If you like characters who are a little bit "extra" and significantly more aggressive than their physical stature allows, you’ve found your guy.
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The name itself is a cheeky nod to Captain Jack Sparrow, but Jacques insists on the French version because he thinks "French is scarier." It’s that kind of logic that makes his route so entertaining.
How to Win Over the Captain
Romancing a ship-in-a-bottle is actually easier than it sounds, though it requires a specific kind of energy. You can't be too "preppy" or cheerful around him. Jacques has a massive chip on his shoulder—or maybe just a chip in his glass—and he hates smug adventurers.
- Match His Energy: When he starts goading you into a fight, don't back down. He likes it when people "lock horns" with him.
- Embrace the Drama: He narrates his own life; feel free to lean into the absurdity.
- Don't Be Too Nice: Surprisingly, he gets easily flustered by genuine affection or people being too conciliatory. It knocks him off his rhythm.
That "Date Everything" Quest Line
You’ll find him on the fireplace mantel in the Living Room. Interaction 1 starts with him being immediately suspicious. He thinks you’re there to make fun of his size. He’ll use a very "big" vocabulary to try and intimidate you, describing exactly how he’d take you out, even though he can’t actually reach your shins.
The story really picks up when he teams up with Beau. They have this whole intertwined narrative involving a "Great Quest." At one point, Jacques leads you down to the "hold" (which is just the bottom of the bottle) to reveal a "Legendary Sword." Spoilers: the sword is a craft project you probably made as a kid. But to Jacques, it’s the most important artifact in the world.
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The Love Ending: From Pirate to Professional
If you play your cards right and reach the "Love Ending," Jacques actually undergoes a pretty hilarious career change. He gets hired by the CEO of Fantasy Cruiselines to captain their flagship, the Brazen Belle.
The ending art shows him looking triumphantly out of a cruise ship cockpit. The lore says he becomes the most highly-reviewed captain in the company for five years straight. He even sends you vouchers for free suites on his cruises. The best part? He still wears his full dress uniform to visit you, but switches into a "fashionable" Fantasy Cruiselines sweatsuit for the ride home.
Facts and Stats for the Completionists
- Location: Living Room (Fireplace Mantel)
- Height: Diminutive (but don't tell him that)
- Likes: Being feared, adventures, loud voices
- Dislikes: Smug adventurers, overly cheerful people
- Voice Actor: JB Blanc
Why Jacques Matters in the Meta
In a game where you can date everything from a trash can to a ceiling, Jacques stands out because he has a legitimate personality arc. He goes from being a "delusional" shelf-warmer to a genuinely successful cruise ship captain. It’s a bit of a subversion of the "sad clown" Pierrot trope. Instead of ending up alone and melancholy, he finds a way to make his pirate fantasies work in a corporate setting.
If you’re looking to finish the Beau quest or just want to hear a world-class voice actor ham it up as a tiny Frenchman, go talk to the bottle. Just remember to bring your "fighting energy" and maybe leave the smugness at the door.
To get the most out of the Captain Jacques Pierrot date everything route:
- Engage with Beau early as their stories are linked.
- Check the Mantelpiece immediately after unlocking the Living Room.
- Choose dialogue options that respect his "authority" as a captain, even when it's ridiculous.
- Complete the "Sword" quest to trigger the transition to his Love Ending path.