You’re standing in a gas station at 11:00 PM. The neon lights are humming. You reach into the cooler and grab a tall, camo-patterned can that looks more like rocket fuel than a beverage. It's cheap. It's legendary. But if you’ve ever turned that can around to look for the nutrition facts, you’ve probably noticed something weird.
They aren't there.
Most people searching for calories in Four Loko are met with a wall of mystery because the TTB (Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau) doesn't require alcohol labels to disclose calorie counts like the FDA does for a box of cereal or a soda. You’re flying blind. Honestly, it’s a lot more than you think. A single 24-ounce can of Four Loko typically packs between 600 and 660 calories.
That is not a typo.
To put that in perspective, you’re basically drinking three McDonald’s cheeseburgers in one sitting. Or roughly five and a half 12-ounce cans of Bud Light. It’s a massive caloric hit that catches people off guard because the liquid goes down so easily—well, as easily as "Fruit Punch" flavored malt liquor can go down.
Why the calories in Four Loko are so incredibly high
It’s all about the math of alcohol and sugar. Alcohol itself is calorie-dense. While fat has 9 calories per gram and protein/carbs have 4, pure ethanol sits right in the middle at 7 calories per gram. Now, consider that a standard Four Loko is 12% or 14% ABV (Alcohol by Volume).
In a 24-ounce can, that’s a massive amount of pure ethanol.
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Then comes the sugar. Phusion Projects, the company behind the brand, doesn't publish exact sugar grams for every flavor, but independent lab tests and nutritional estimates suggest there are about 60 grams of sugar in a single can. That’s about 15 teaspoons. The sugar is there for a reason: it masks the harsh, medicinal bite of high-gravity malt liquor. Without that cloying sweetness, you’d probably spit it out after the first sip.
Flavor by flavor: Does it change?
Not really. Whether you’re grabbing Gold, Sour Apple, Watermelon, or the dreaded Grape, the calorie count stays in that 600–660 range. The "Gold" flavor, which tastes vaguely like a caffeinated energy drink (without the actual caffeine these days), is often cited as the heaviest, sometimes creeping toward 700 calories if the ABV is on the higher end of the spectrum.
Why does the ABV vary? Regulations. Some states have caps on how strong a single-serve malt beverage can be. If you’re in a state where they sell the 14% version, you’re getting more alcohol, which means you're getting more calories.
The "Blackout in a Can" legacy and your metabolism
We have to talk about what happened in 2010. That was the year the FDA cracked down on "pre-packaged caffeinated alcoholic beverages." Before then, Four Loko was a chaotic mix of caffeine, taurine, guarana, and alcohol. It was "wide-awake drunk." While the caffeine is gone, the metabolic impact remains the same.
When you dump 600 calories of sugar and alcohol into your system at once, your liver panics.
Actually, "panic" might be an understatement. Your body views alcohol as a toxin, so it stops burning fat and carbs to prioritize getting the alcohol out of your blood. Meanwhile, all that sugar from the Four Loko is spiking your insulin. Since your body is busy dealing with the ethanol, it stores that sugar as fat almost immediately. This is the biological recipe for the "beer belly," just accelerated by the sheer volume of a 24-ounce tallboy.
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Comparing the damage
If you’re trying to stay fit but still want to participate in the festivities, the calories in Four Loko are your worst enemy. Let's look at how it stacks up against other "bad" choices:
- Four Loko (24 oz): ~660 calories
- A standard Margarita: ~250 calories
- A pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked: ~1,100 calories (Okay, the Loko is better than a pint of ice cream, but not by much).
- A Large Coke from McDonald's: 290 calories.
You'd have to drink two large Cokes and a small fry to match the energy density of one camo can. Most people don't stop at one "drink" when they're out, but with Four Loko, one can is four or five drinks. That’s where the name comes from, allegedly—four standard drinks in one.
The hidden hangover factor
It isn't just the calories that hurt the next day. It's the dehydration caused by the sugar-alcohol combo. High sugar intake leads to a nastier inflammatory response. When people complain about a "Four Loko hangover," they aren't just dealing with the effects of ethanol; they’re dealing with a massive sugar crash and the byproduct of their body trying to process low-quality malt liquor.
What about Four Loko USA vs International?
Interestingly, if you’re reading this in the UK or parts of Europe, your version might be different. The cans are often smaller (440ml) and the ABV is lower (around 8.5%). In those cases, the calories drop significantly, usually landing around 350-400 per container. But in the United States? We go big. The 24-ounce "mega-can" is the standard, and so is the massive caloric load.
Real talk on weight loss and "hard" drinks
If you are on a calorie deficit, Four Loko is basically a "cheat day" in a single can. If your daily goal is 2,000 calories, one can is a third of your entire allowance. And let's be honest: nobody drinks a Four Loko and then decides to eat a steamed kale salad. You’re going for pizza. You’re going for Taco Bell.
The "secondary calories"—the food you eat because your inhibitions are lowered and your blood sugar is crashing—can easily push a night out past the 2,000-calorie mark just from one sitting.
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How to mitigate the impact
Look, nobody drinks a Four Loko for its health benefits. You drink it because it’s five dollars and it gets the job done. But if you want to minimize the fallout, there are a few things you can actually do.
Hydrate aggressively. For every ounce of Loko, drink an equal amount of water. It sounds like a lot, but it's the only way to help your kidneys and liver keep up with the processing demand.
Don't drink it on an empty stomach. This sounds counterintuitive if you're worried about calories, but if you have protein and fats in your stomach, the absorption of the sugar and alcohol slows down. This prevents the massive insulin spike that leads to rapid fat storage.
Check the ABV on the side of the can. Some flavors are 10%, some are 14%. If you're counting calories, that 4% difference is roughly 100-150 calories. Opt for the lower percentage if you have the choice.
Actionable steps for the health-conscious drinker
If you’ve realized that 660 calories is a bit much for your Friday night, you don't have to go sober, but you should probably pivot.
- Switch to Hard Seltzers: A White Claw or Truly has about 100 calories per 12 ounces. Even if you drink two to match the volume of a Four Loko, you're only at 200 calories compared to 660.
- The "Spirit and Soda" move: Tequila or Vodka with club soda (not tonic!) and a lime is roughly 70-100 calories.
- Read the label on "Hard" Teas: Be careful here. Brands like Twisted Tea are sneaky and can have almost as many calories and sugar as a Four Loko.
- Treat it as a meal replacement (Don't actually do this): If you must have one, treat it like a heavy dessert. You wouldn't eat a whole cheesecake after a steak dinner; don't drink a Loko after a heavy meal.
Ultimately, Four Loko remains the "heavyweight champion" of gas station drinks, both in terms of alcohol delivery and caloric density. It is an outlier in the beverage world—a relic of an era of excess that somehow survived the regulators. Enjoy it if you must, but do so knowing exactly what you're putting into your body. It’s a lot of energy, a lot of sugar, and a very long workout the next morning to burn it off.
The best move is to track it. If you use an app like MyFitnessPal or Lose It, don't ignore the can. Log it as 650 calories and adjust your other meals accordingly. Knowledge won't make the hangover any better, but it will keep your fitness goals from falling off a cliff after one wild night.