If you’ve ever watched Brandi Carlile tear through "The Joke" or belt out "The Story" on a stage drenched in spotlights, you’ve seen the fire. But if you look a little closer—maybe toward the wings or at the credits of her nonprofit work—you’ll see the person who basically keeps the hearth warm. That’s Catherine Shepherd. Or, as she’s known now, Catherine Carlile.
Honestly, their love story sounds like a script from a mid-2000s rom-com, the kind where two people fall in love through letters or phone calls without ever seeing a face. It’s weird, it’s sweet, and it’s surprisingly grounded for a couple that regularly hangs out with Joni Mitchell and Elton John.
How a Beatle accidentally played matchmaker
Most people think famous people meet at fancy parties or on movie sets. Not these two. They met because of a shared obsession with making the world suck a little less.
Back in 2009, Catherine was living in the UK, working for ten years as the charity coordinator for Paul McCartney. Yeah, that Paul McCartney. Brandi was looking for some Beatles memorabilia to auction off for her "Fight the Fear" campaign, which helps survivors of domestic violence.
They started talking on the phone. A lot.
Brandi has admitted in several interviews—and in her memoir Broken Horses—that she thought she was talking to a 65-year-old woman. Catherine has this British poise, a deep wisdom, and a very "get things done" attitude that didn't scream "20-something" to Brandi. For a whole year, they were just professional allies with a growing spark that neither could quite see.
Then came New York.
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Catherine flew over for a project, and they met backstage at one of Brandi’s shows. Brandi was 27. Catherine was 27. The shock was real. "It was an interesting way to fall in love," Brandi told Rolling Stone. They weren't looking at headshots or Instagram profiles; they were looking at each other’s hearts through the lens of activism.
Three weddings and a whole lot of chaos
They didn't just get married once. They did it three times. Why? Because when you’re a binational couple in 2012, laws are tricky and family is spread out.
The first ceremony was in Boston in September 2012. It was, by Brandi's own account, a total mess. Their dog had a medical emergency right before the ceremony. The priest didn't show up. They ended up having friends from their church step in to officiate. It was "completely awkward and human," which basically sums up why fans love Brandi so much.
They followed that up with a ceremony in Washington State (where they live now) and a civil ceremony in London in 2013 so Catherine’s UK family could celebrate properly.
Life on the "Compound"
If you imagine them living in a Hollywood mansion, you’re way off. They live in a log cabin in rural Maple Valley, Washington. It’s more of a commune than a celebrity estate.
- The Neighbors: Brandi’s bandmates (the twins Phil and Tim Hanseroth) live right next door.
- Family Ties: Phil is actually Brandi’s brother-in-law (he married her sister, Tiffany).
- The Vibe: They raise chickens, they fish, and they travel via ATV between houses.
It’s a tight-knit ecosystem. Catherine isn’t just "the wife" in this scenario; she’s the Executive Director of the Looking Out Foundation, the nonprofit that ties all of Brandi’s music to actual social change. She’s the one turning the "rock star" energy into "feeding people in war zones" reality.
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The messy, beautiful reality of "Queer Parenting"
Parenthood changed everything for them, but it wasn't a straight line. They have two daughters: Evangeline Ruth (born in 2014) and Elijah (born in 2018).
Brandi has been incredibly vulnerable about the fact that she didn't carry the children. Catherine did. For Evangeline, they used IVF with Brandi’s eggs, so Catherine carried Brandi’s biological child. For Elijah, they went the IUI route because the IVF hormones were too rough on Catherine the first time around.
"Queer parenting lacks a manual," Brandi wrote in an essay for Parents magazine.
She talked about the "struggle of the non-biological parent" and the weird, internal pressure to find her place when she wasn't the one nursing or physically recovering from birth. If you listen to her song "The Mother," you’re hearing that struggle and that ultimate, soul-crushing love. It’s not a "perfect" story; it’s a real one.
What most people get wrong about Catherine
She’s often described as a "former actress" or "Paul McCartney's assistant." That’s a massive undersell.
Catherine is a musician herself. She sings, she plays guitar, and she’s a writer with credits on shows like The Shrink Next Door. She’s also the daughter of British acting legend Jack Shepherd. She grew up in the theater world of London, which is probably why she handles the chaos of Brandi’s touring life with such "true British fashion," as Brandi calls it.
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She’s the anchor. While Brandi is the one jumping on top of pianos and screaming into the rafters, Catherine is the one managing the business, the foundation, and the family.
Why it actually matters
In a world where celebrity marriages last about as long as a TikTok trend, Brandi and Catherine have been together for over 13 years. They’ve navigated the legalization of same-sex marriage, the transition of moving across an ocean, and the grueling schedule of a woman who went from a "best-kept secret" to a global superstar.
They don't hide their struggles. They talk about the arguments, the loss, and the "boring" parts of aging together. That’s the secret sauce.
Actionable Insights for the "Bramily":
- Support the Foundation: If you want to see what Catherine really spends her time on, check out the Looking Out Foundation. They’ve raised millions for causes like Children in Conflict and War Child.
- Listen Closer: Re-listen to the By The Way, I Forgive You album. Knowing the backstory of their move to the compound and the birth of Evangeline makes tracks like "Party of One" hit ten times harder.
- Read the Memoir: If you haven't read Broken Horses, do it. It gives the most honest look at how Catherine basically saved Brandi from the burnout of the road.
They aren't just a "power couple." They’re a partnership that works because they both decided that the work—whether it’s music, activism, or raising kids in the woods—is better when it's shared.