You've probably heard it in a church basement, or maybe on a wellness podcast where the host wears too much linen. The phrase "in this world but not of it" sounds like one of those high-minded spiritual riddles that’s impossible to actually pull off when you’re stuck in traffic on a Tuesday. Honestly, most people treat it like a bumper sticker. They think it just means being a little bit weird or having a different set of morals than the guy in the cubicle next door. But if you look at where it actually comes from—specifically the New Testament, John 17—it's way more radical than just "being different."
It’s about a total shift in where you get your marching orders.
Think about it this way. You’re living in a country where you don't speak the language perfectly, you don't really vibe with the local holidays, and the laws feel a bit... off. You’re there. You eat the food. You pay the taxes. But your heart, your loyalty, and your "home base" are somewhere else entirely. That’s the core of the concept. It’s an ambassadorial mindset.
Where the Idea Actually Comes From
Let’s get the facts straight. While the exact wording "in this world but not of it" isn't a verbatim quote, it’s the standard shorthand for Jesus’s high priestly prayer. He was talking about his disciples. He specifically says in John 17:14-16 that the world hates them because they aren't "of the world," just as he isn't. But—and this is the part people miss—he explicitly asks God not to take them out of the world.
He wanted them right in the thick of it.
This isn't an invitation to go live in a cave or start a commune in the middle of nowhere. Escapism is easy. Engagement is the hard part. St. Augustine later poked at this in The City of God, where he argued that Christians are citizens of two cities at once: the City of Man and the City of God. You have duties to both. You have to be a good neighbor, a reliable worker, and a law-abiding resident, but you never let the "City of Man" define your worth or your final purpose.
The Problem With Modern "Counter-Culture"
Most people today think they're being "not of this world" by buying certain brands or joining specific political movements. That's a trap. Usually, they're just swapping one worldly "tribe" for another. If your identity is still rooted in how others perceive your lifestyle, you're still very much "of" the world. You're just playing a different character in the same play.
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Real non-conformity is internal.
C.S. Lewis talked about this a lot. He suggested that the "World" (capital W) is a system of values based on pride, social climbing, and the obsession with the "Inner Ring." To be not of it means you stop caring about the Inner Ring. You stop letting the algorithm tell you what to be outraged about. It's a kind of psychological freedom that makes people very uncomfortable because they can't control you with the usual carrots and sticks.
The Social Cost of Standing Apart
It’s not all sunshine and inner peace. There’s a friction.
When you refuse to participate in the standard office gossip or you don't chase the same status symbols as your peers, you become a mirror. People see their own compulsions reflected in your abstinence, and they usually don't like what they see. This is why the original text mentions "the world hates them." It’s not necessarily about violent persecution in the modern West; it’s more about the subtle cold shoulder. It’s the feeling of being an outsider at a party where everyone else knows the secret handshake.
Take the example of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was a German theologian during the rise of the Nazis. He lived "in" Nazi Germany—he worked there, he even worked for their military intelligence as a double agent—but he was absolutely not "of" it. He refused to let the state-mandated "German Christian" movement dictate his theology. He lived with a foot in two worlds, and it eventually cost him his life. While most of us won't face a hangman's noose, the principle remains: if you aren't feeling some level of friction with the surrounding culture, you might just be blending in more than you think.
Practical Ways to Live the Tension
So, how do you actually do this without being a jerk? Nobody likes the guy who acts holier-than-thou at the Christmas party. Being "not of this world" should make you more loving, not more judgmental.
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1. Redefine Your Success Metrics
The world says success is a linear climb. More money, more followers, more influence. If you’re living by a different code, your success might look like "fruitfulness" instead. Are you more patient than you were last year? Are you actually kind to people who can do nothing for you? These are metrics the "world" doesn't track, but they're the only ones that matter in the long run.
2. Radical Presence, Zero Attachment
You can be 100% present in your job, your hobbies, and your community without being attached to the outcomes. This is a bit like the Stoic concept of prohairesis. You do your best because that's your duty, but you don't let the failure of a project or the loss of a job destroy your soul. Why? Because your soul lives somewhere else.
3. The "Ambassador" Filter
Think of every interaction as an embassy visit. An ambassador doesn't get offended by the local customs, but they also don't adopt them if they contradict their home country's laws. When someone cuts you off in traffic, a "citizen of the world" reacts with worldly rage. An ambassador remembers who they represent and keeps their cool. It’s a high bar. Honestly, most of us fail at this daily.
4. Intentional Disconnection
You cannot be "not of this world" if you are plugged into its 24/7 outrage machine. If your phone is the first thing you touch in the morning, the world has already won the battle for your mind before you’ve even brushed your teeth. Creating "sacred spaces"—times of silence, digital fasts, or just undistracted prayer/meditation—is a physical way to practice being "out" of the world for a moment.
The Misconception of "Holiness"
We have this weird idea that being spiritual means being ethereal and useless. Like you're so focused on "heaven" that you can't fix a leaky faucet. That's the opposite of what this concept intends.
If you are truly "not of this world," you should be the best version of a human in it. You should be the most reliable employee, the most attentive spouse, and the most generous neighbor. Why? Because you aren't doing those things to get ahead. You're doing them because you're operating out of an overflow of a different source.
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Early Christians in the Roman Empire were famous for this. When the plagues hit, the "worldly" people fled the cities to save themselves. The Christians stayed behind to nurse the sick—including the people who had been persecuting them. They were in the plague-ridden streets, but they weren't governed by the world's fear of death. That is the ultimate "in but not of" move.
Handling the Burnout
Let’s be real: trying to live this way is exhausting. It’s much easier to just go with the flow. The "world" has a lot of momentum. It’s a massive river, and swimming against the current for decades takes a toll.
This is why community is non-negotiable. You need other people who are also "foreigners" in the same sense. You need a place where you don't have to explain why you aren't chasing the promotion or why you're giving away 10% of your income. Without a "counter-community," you will eventually just drift back into the mainstream. It’s inevitable.
Actionable Steps for the "Expat" Life
If you want to move from theory to reality, start small. This isn't about a total life overhaul in one weekend. It's about a series of intentional "no's" to the world's demands.
- Audit your "Inputs": Look at your social media feed. Is it fueling your "worldly" anxieties (envy, rage, greed) or is it grounding you? Unfollow anything that makes you feel like you aren't "enough" without a specific product or lifestyle.
- Practice Secret Generosity: Do something truly kind or give money away, and tell absolutely nobody. Not even your spouse, if possible. This breaks the world's "reward" loop of social validation.
- Choose a "Boundary Point": Pick one area of culture where you will simply stop participating. Maybe it's refusing to work on Sundays, or deciding not to watch certain types of cynical entertainment. Hold that line.
- Study the "Greats": Read biographies of people who lived this out. Look at Dorothy Day, who lived among the poor in New York, or Brother Lawrence, who found the presence of God while washing greasy pots in a monastery kitchen.
Living in this world but not of it is a lifelong discipline. It's about being a "resident alien." You appreciate the beauty of the world, you love the people in it, and you work for its flourish. But at the end of the day, you know you’re just passing through. Your citizenship is elsewhere, and that realization is the only thing that can actually make you free.
Check your calendar for the next week and find one "worldly" obligation you're doing solely for status or fear of missing out. Cancel it. Spend that time in silence or serving someone who can't pay you back. That is how you start living like a citizen of a different kingdom.