She was desperate. Honestly, that’s the only way to describe where Ayelet Waldman was before the blue dropper bottle arrived.
Imagine being a former federal public defender, a mother of four, and an acclaimed novelist, yet finding yourself so "held hostage" by your own moods that you're contemplating whether your husband would be better off if you weren't around. That’s the raw, vibrating energy that starts Ayelet Waldman A Really Good Day. It isn't just a book about drugs. It is a book about the sheer, exhausting labor of trying to be a "normal" human being when your brain chemistry has other plans.
The Experiment That Changed the Conversation
Waldman’s story didn't start in a lab. It started in a mailbox.
After years of cycling through a "pharmacological rabbit hole" of SSRIs, mood stabilizers, and therapy—ranging from Freudian to hypnotherapy—she felt she had run out of road. Her diagnosis had shifted from bipolar disorder to Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), but the result was the same: "mood storms" that were blowing her life apart.
So, she did something technically illegal.
She followed the James Fadiman protocol. Fadiman, a psychologist who basically wrote the modern handbook on psychedelics, suggests a very specific schedule: one microdose of LSD (about 10 micrograms, or 1/10th of a recreational dose) every three days. The idea isn't to see dragons. You aren't supposed to "trip." The goal is "sub-perceptual" change. Basically, you just want to have a really good day.
Waldman’s source? A mysterious figure she called "Lewis Carroll," an elderly professor who sent her a vial in a stamp-encrusted package.
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Why 10 Micrograms?
A recreational dose of LSD is usually around 100 micrograms. At that level, the walls start breathing. At 10 micrograms? Nothing happens. Well, nothing visual.
For Waldman, the change was almost immediate but incredibly subtle. She wasn't high. She was just... patient. She didn't snap when her husband, Michael Chabon, chewed almonds too loudly (a condition called misophonia that usually sent her into a blinding rage). She wrote more. She procrastinated less.
One of her kids even asked, "Who are you?" because she was so uncharacteristically "chill."
It’s More Than a Diary
If the book were just a "drug log," it would be boring. But it’s not.
Waldman uses her background as a lawyer to tear into the War on Drugs. She points out the rank hypocrisy of a society that hand-feeds children Adderall (a literal amphetamine) while throwing people in cages for a substance with a remarkably low toxicity profile.
She dives into the history of Albert Hofmann, the Swiss chemist who discovered LSD in 1938. She explores how the 1960s counter-culture effectively "killed" legitimate scientific research into psychedelics for decades.
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What the Science Actually Says Now
Since the book came out, the world has changed. In 2026, we have way more data than Waldman did when she was dropping acid in her Berkeley home.
Is it all just a placebo? Some researchers think so. A 2024 randomized controlled trial found that while microdosing might increase REM sleep and slightly boost mood, the "expectancy effect" is massive. If you think you're taking a magic brain-booster, your brain often delivers the results regardless of the chemical.
But for people like Waldman, the "why" matters less than the "is it working?"
"I went from being suicidally depressed and unable to experience joy, to looking out the window and finding myself exhilarated by beauty."
That's not just a chemical reaction; it's a lifeline.
The "Bad Mother" Controversy Redux
Waldman has always been a lightning rod. Years ago, she wrote a New York Times essay saying she loved her husband more than her children. People lost their minds.
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A Really Good Day faced similar heat. Critics in outlets like the National Review argued she was just "dropping acid to get out of the blame business," suggesting she was using chemistry to bypass personal responsibility.
But that misses the point of the book. Waldman isn't saying "drugs are a substitute for character." She's saying that when your internal weather is a permanent Category 5 hurricane, "character" is impossible to maintain. The microdose provided the calm necessary for her to actually be the person she wanted to be.
Actionable Insights for the Curious
If you're looking into the themes of Waldman’s journey, here is the reality of the landscape today:
- Legality is shifting: While LSD remains a Schedule I substance federally in the US, cities like San Francisco and states like Oregon have moved toward decriminalization of certain psychedelics.
- Safety first: Waldman used a mail-order testing kit to ensure her "Lewis Carroll" package was actually LSD and not a dangerous synthetic like NBOMe.
- The Protocol Matters: The "Fadiman Protocol" (one day on, two days off) is designed to prevent tolerance. Taking it every day usually leads to the effects vanishing within a week.
- It isn't a cure-all: Waldman eventually stopped because she ran out of a safe source. She didn't want to risk buying from shady dealers or getting "set up" by undercover cops.
If you’re struggling with mood disorders that haven't responded to traditional meds, the most important step isn't finding a "Lewis Carroll." It’s finding a psychedelic-informed therapist. These are professionals who can help you integrate these experiences or guide you toward legal clinical trials, which are popping up at major universities like Johns Hopkins and NYU.
Don't just DIY your mental health based on a memoir. Use the memoir as a starting point to ask better questions of your medical providers.