Honestly, the world didn't really know Ava Gardner until she was dying. We knew the face—the "World's Most Beautiful Animal" according to MGM’s ruthless marketing machine—but the woman herself remained a bit of a ghost. That changed in 1988. Living in London, recovering from a stroke, and short on cash, Gardner did something she’d spent forty years avoiding. She called a ghostwriter.
Ava Gardner: The Secret Conversations isn't your typical polished celebrity memoir. It’s a mess. It’s raw, boozy, and occasionally mean. When she reached out to British journalist Peter Evans, she famously told him, "I either write the book or sell the jewels, and I’m kinda sentimental about the jewels."
It’s a miracle the book exists at all. The project was actually killed off mid-way through because of a lawsuit. It sat in a drawer for decades before finally seeing the light of day. If you want to understand the Golden Age of Hollywood, you don't watch Mogambo. You read these transcripts.
Why the Book Was Hidden for 25 Years
The backstory of the book is almost as dramatic as Gardner's marriages. Peter Evans was a seasoned biographer, but he wasn't prepared for Ava. They spent months in her Ennismore Gardens flat, drinking wine and talking into a tape recorder. She’d call him at 3:00 AM just to chat or complain about her ex-husbands.
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Then, everything went sideways.
Gardner found out that her ex-husband, Frank Sinatra, had once successfully sued Evans for libel. Because she was still fiercely protective of "Ol' Blue Eyes"—despite the fact that they had spent years trying to destroy each other—she fired Evans on the spot. She ended up releasing a much safer, sanitized autobiography called Ava: My Story right before she died in 1990.
The "Secret" version only came out in 2013, a year after Evans himself passed away. It contains the stuff the lawyers would have never let fly in the nineties.
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The Truth About the Three Husbands
Most people search for this book because they want the "tea" on the men. Gardner didn't disappoint. She had a way of summing up her marriages that was both hilarious and deeply sad.
- Mickey Rooney: He was her first. She was a virgin from North Carolina; he was the biggest star in the world. She basically describes him as a serial cheater who couldn't keep it in his pants for five minutes.
- Artie Shaw: The "intellectual" husband. He tried to make her read War and Peace and told her she was "uneducated." It was psychological warfare. She hated him for it, but she also clearly respected his brain.
- Frank Sinatra: The big one. The love of her life. She describes their relationship as "fighting and boozing." She didn't hold back on the physical details either, famously remarking on his physical "endowment" in a way that would have made a 1950s studio executive faint.
But it wasn't all jokes. She talked about the abortions she had while married to Frank because she knew their lifestyle was too chaotic for a child. It’s heavy stuff. You realize that being the most beautiful woman in the world was actually a pretty lonely gig.
Beyond the Men: The Howard Hughes Obsession
People often forget how long Howard Hughes chased her. In Ava Gardner: The Secret Conversations, she clarifies that while he flew her everywhere and bought her everything, she never actually liked him that much. She found him "bewildering."
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He was obsessed. He had her followed. He even had her house bugged. Yet, she stayed in his orbit for twenty years. Why? Because he was a safety net. In the book, she admits she stayed for the security, but the lack of physical attraction made the whole thing a chore.
The Impact of the Stroke
Writing an article about this book without mentioning her health would be a mistake. By 1988, Ava was a shadow of her former self. The stroke had paralyzed part of her face and arm.
The book captures this vulnerability. You see a woman who is terrified of being forgotten but also terrified of being seen as she is. She speaks with a "salty" vocabulary that masks a lot of pain. She was a broad. She swore like a sailor and drank like one, too. But the recordings reveal a woman who was fundamentally disappointed by the industry that made her famous.
What Users Often Ask About the Book
- Is it better than her official autobiography? Yes. By a mile. Ava: My Story is a PR exercise. The Secret Conversations feels like you're sitting in a smoky room with her.
- Is it factual? It’s as factual as a fading star’s memory allows. Evans notes where she contradicts herself, which makes it feel more authentic, not less.
- Why was it adapted into a play? Elizabeth McGovern (from Downton Abbey) turned the book into a stage play because the dialogue is so cinematic. It captures that "Sunset Boulevard" vibe of a legend in her twilight.
Actionable Insights for Fans of Classic Hollywood
If you’re diving into the world of Ava Gardner or the "Secret Conversations," here is how to get the most out of the history:
- Read the books in order: Read the sanitized Ava: My Story first, then read The Secret Conversations. The contrast between what she "allowed" to be said and what she actually felt is jarring.
- Watch 'The Killers' (1946): This was the movie that made her. After reading the book, you’ll see the "femme fatale" role in a completely different light—knowing she felt like a fraud the whole time she was filming it.
- Check out the Ava Gardner Museum: It's located in Smithfield, North Carolina. They have a lot of the personal artifacts mentioned in the book, including some of those "jewels" she didn't want to sell.
- Listen to the Sinatra records from the early 50s: Specifically the ones recorded during their breakup. You can hear the influence she had on his voice; it’s the sound of a man who is genuinely falling apart.
Ava Gardner didn't want a legacy of being a victim. She wanted people to know she lived exactly how she wanted, even if it cost her everything in the end. This book is the closest we’ll ever get to the real woman behind the "animal" label.