Amy Winehouse was nineteen when she wrote the lyrics that would eventually haunt her entire legacy. Nineteen. Most of us at that age are just trying to figure out how to do laundry or pass a mid-term, but Amy was already performing an autopsy on her own soul. The track, "What Is It About Men," buried deep on her 2003 debut album Frank, isn't just a jazzy filler song. It is a terrifyingly accurate map of the next decade of her life.
She knew. Honestly, she really knew what was coming.
The Song That Predicted Everything
When you listen to the track now, it feels less like a song and more like a confession. Or maybe a warning. "What Is It About Men" tackles the heavy, messy reality of why women—specifically Amy—found themselves drawn to the exact type of man who would eventually break them.
She didn't blame the guys. Not entirely. Instead, she pointed the finger at her own DNA and the "behavioral patterns that stick over the years." It’s a song about the Freudian fate of repeating our parents' mistakes.
The lyrics are brutal:
"Emulate all the shit my mother hate / I can't help but demonstrate my Freudian fate."
She was talking about her father, Mitch Winehouse.
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Mitch Winehouse and the "Work Wife"
To understand why Amy asked "what is it about men," you have to look at the man who shaped her world first. Mitch was a London cabbie with a voice like Frank Sinatra and a wandering eye.
For years, Mitch had a long-term affair with a colleague named Jane—someone the kids grew up calling "Daddy's work wife." It was an open secret in the Winehouse household. Amy watched her mother, Janis, endure the quiet humiliation of a husband who was physically there but emotionally elsewhere.
Mitch eventually left when Amy was nine.
He thought she took it well. He famously told the London Evening Standard that Amy seemed "well over it" and "felt no effect at all."
He was wrong. Dead wrong.
Amy didn't scream at him. She didn't have a tantrum. She just watched. She internalized the idea that love was synonymous with infidelity, absence, and drama. By the time she was a teenager, she wasn't just angry at her father; she was terrified she was becoming him.
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The "Wrong Man" as a Natural Instinct
There is a line in the song where she says, "I'll take the wrong man as naturally as I sing."
Think about that. Singing was as easy as breathing for Amy. It was her most natural state. By saying she picks the wrong men just as easily, she was admitting that her "picker" was fundamentally broken from the start.
She wasn't looking for a stable, boring guy to watch Netflix with. She was looking for a reflection of the chaos she grew up with.
- Blake Fielder-Civil: The most obvious "wrong man." He was the muse for Back to Black, the man who introduced her to heroin, and the one she described as "the male version of me."
- The Married Men: Amy admitted in interviews that she found herself playing the role of the mistress, just like the woman who took her father away. She was "taking your guy" because, in her mind, history had to repeat itself.
- The Absent Figures: Even when she was surrounded by people, she often chose men who couldn't—or wouldn't—save her from herself.
Why We Still Talk About This Track
Most pop stars write about "he broke my heart." Amy wrote about "I am breaking my own heart because I don't know how to love any other way."
That’s why amy winehouse what is it about men remains such a heavy search term. It’s not just about celebrity gossip. It’s about the universal "daddy issue" trope taken to its most extreme, artistic, and tragic conclusion.
She saw the "destructive side" growing a mile wide before she was even famous. She predicted her penchant for self-sabotage.
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What Really Happened With the Men in Her Life?
It wasn't just Mitch and Blake. The media often paints a picture of Amy as a victim of these men, but her lyrics show someone who was hyper-aware of her own agency in the disaster.
In "Stronger Than Me," she berates a boyfriend for being too "lady-like" and "sensitive." She wanted a man to be "The Man." She wanted a strength she didn't feel she possessed, yet every time she found a man with "strength," it was usually the aggressive, toxic kind.
The Documentary vs. The Reality
The 2015 documentary Amy portrays Mitch Winehouse as a villain who cared more about her career than her health. Mitch, obviously, disputes this. He claims the film edited his words to make him look like he was against her going to rehab.
But the lyrics of "What Is It About Men" don't care about a documentary edit. They were written years before the cameras started following her. They prove that the damage was done in the quiet, suburban hallways of her childhood, long before she ever touched a crack pipe or met a paparazzi.
Actionable Insights: Breaking the Pattern
If you find yourself relating to Amy's "Freudian fate," it’s a sign to look at the blueprint of your own relationships. Amy felt her path was "set," but it doesn't have to be.
- Identify the "Mirror" Effect: Are you dating people who remind you of a parent's worst traits? Amy did this to feel a sense of familiarity, even if that familiarity was painful.
- Audit Your "Natural" Choices: Amy said she took the wrong man "naturally." If your natural instinct always leads to drama, it’s time to start making "unnatural" choices. Date the person who feels "boring" (which is often just another word for stable).
- Separate Love from Suffering: Through her music and her idols like Billie Holiday, Amy romanticized the "suffering woman" archetype. You don't need to be in pain to be interesting or artistic.
Amy Winehouse was a genius who couldn't outrun the ghost of her father's infidelity. She gave us the map to her own destruction in Frank, and then she spent the rest of her life walking it.
Next Step: Listen to the track again, but this time, ignore the jazz production. Just read the words. It is the most honest thing she ever wrote. Once you see the pattern she's describing, look at the men in your own life. Are you demonstrating your own Freudian fate, or are you ready to write a different song?