You’ve probably been staring at that blinking cursor or a series of multiple-choice bubbles for an hour. Maybe you've taken three different versions of an am i bi or lesbian quiz in the last week, hoping one of them finally gives you the "correct" answer that sticks. It’s a weirdly specific kind of anxiety. You’re not alone in that. Thousands of people are currently navigating the messy, often confusing overlap between bisexual and lesbian identities.
Identity isn't a math problem.
There is no equation where $X$ amount of attraction to men plus $Y$ amount of attraction to women equals a definitive label. It’s more like a shifting weather pattern. Sometimes it's clear; sometimes it’s foggy. The truth is, these quizzes are digital mirrors. They don't give you new information; they just reflect back the things you’re already feeling but might be too scared to say out loud.
The "Comphet" Wall and Why Quizzes Feel So Necessary
If you’re questioning everything, you’ve likely stumbled upon the term "compulsory heterosexuality," or comphet. This isn't just a buzzword. It’s a concept popularized by Adrienne Rich in her 1980 essay, Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence. Basically, it’s the idea that society pushes everyone toward heterosexuality so hard that we "perform" interest in men because we think we have to, not because we want to.
This makes an am i bi or lesbian quiz feel like a lifeline. You’re looking for a way to peel back the layers of what you were taught to feel versus what you actually feel.
Think about your "crushes" on men. Were they real? Or were they just safe? A lot of people realize their feelings for men were actually just a deep appreciation for a male celebrity’s aesthetic or a response to the validation of being "chosen" by a guy. That’s a huge distinction. If you’re bisexual, that attraction typically feels like a genuine pull—a desire for intimacy or connection that exists independently of social pressure. If it’s comphet, the "attraction" often feels like a chore or a performance you’re putting on for an audience.
The Nuance of the Kinsey Scale
We have to talk about Alfred Kinsey. Back in the 1940s, his research suggested that most people don’t fit into neat boxes of "100% gay" or "100% straight." He developed a 7-point scale.
- 0: Exclusively heterosexual.
- 3: Equally heterosexual and homosexual.
- 6: Exclusively homosexual.
Most people who take a quiz are hovering somewhere between a 3 and a 6. But here’s the kicker: the scale is a snapshot, not a life sentence. You might feel like a 5 today and a 6 next year. That doesn’t mean you were "lying" before. It means you’re learning.
Why the "Am I Bi or Lesbian Quiz" Results Can Be Frustrating
Have you ever gotten a "Bisexual" result and felt a pang of disappointment? Or maybe you got "Lesbian" and felt a wave of panic?
🔗 Read more: Curtain Bangs on Fine Hair: Why Yours Probably Look Flat and How to Fix It
Pay attention to that.
The emotional reaction you have to a quiz result is actually more important than the result itself. This is what psychologists sometimes call the "coin flip" method. If you’re torn between two choices, flip a coin. While it’s in the air, you’ll suddenly realize which side you’re rooting for. If the quiz says you’re bi and your first thought is, "But I really wanted it to say lesbian," well... you have your answer.
The labels are tools. They aren't cages.
Some people find the "lesbian" label liberating because it removes men from the romantic equation entirely. It’s a boundary. Others find "bisexual" more honest because it accounts for a fluidity they don't want to ignore. Honestly, both are valid. You don't owe anyone a "pure" history to claim a label.
Let’s Talk About the Split Attraction Model
This is where things get really interesting and where most quizzes fail. The Split Attraction Model (SAM) suggests that romantic attraction and sexual attraction aren't always the same thing.
You might be "biromantic," meaning you can fall in love with multiple genders, but "homosexual," meaning you only want to be physically intimate with women. This is why you feel like you're glitching. You might genuinely love your boyfriend but find yourself completely uninterested in the physical side of things, or vice versa.
- Sexual Attraction: Who you want to go to bed with.
- Romantic Attraction: Who you want to go to brunch with, buy a house with, and vent to after a long day.
When these two don't align perfectly, a simple quiz usually can't capture that. It just tells you that you’re "confused," which isn't helpful. You aren't confused; you're just complex.
The Lesbian Masterdoc: A Cultural Touchstone
You can't talk about this topic without mentioning "The Lesbian Masterdoc." Originally titled Am I a Lesbian?, this Google Doc went viral on Tumblr and Twitter several years ago. It was compiled by a user named Angigrace (and expanded by others) to help people navigate the specific nuances of comphet.
💡 You might also like: Bates Nut Farm Woods Valley Road Valley Center CA: Why Everyone Still Goes After 100 Years
It covers things like:
- Feeling like you're "waiting" for the right man to change your mind.
- Only liking fictional men or celebrities who are unattainable.
- Feeling like sex with men is something you "get over with" so you can get back to cuddling.
While some critics argue the Masterdoc is too broad—basically suggesting that any discomfort with men equals being a lesbian—it has been a vital resource for thousands. It’s less of a quiz and more of a checklist of shared experiences. If you read it and feel like someone has been reading your private diary, that’s a pretty strong signal.
The Fear of "Losing" Your Identity
Choosing a label feels permanent. It’s not.
I’ve known people who identified as bisexual for ten years, then realized they were lesbians. I’ve known people who identified as lesbians for a decade and then fell in love with a man and reclaimed the "bi" or "queer" label.
The internet loves to gatekeep. There’s this weird pressure to "pick a side" and stay there forever. But human sexuality is notoriously slippery. Dr. Lisa Diamond, a researcher and professor at the University of Utah, has spent over two decades studying "sexual fluidity." Her work proves that for many women, attractions can change over time based on environment, relationships, and self-discovery.
If you take an am i bi or lesbian quiz today, the result is just for today. You aren't signing a contract in blood.
Real-World Scenarios: Bi vs. Lesbian
Let’s look at some "field notes" from people who have been exactly where you are.
Scenario A: The "Maybe I Just Like People" Vibe
You’re attracted to people's vibes. A man’s humor, a woman’s style, a non-binary person’s intellect—it all works for you. You don’t feel like you’re "performing" when you’re with a guy; you’re actually into it. However, you feel a special, maybe more intense connection with women. This usually points toward bisexuality or pansexuality. The attraction to men isn't a "burden"—it's just one part of the map.
📖 Related: Why T. Pepin’s Hospitality Centre Still Dominates the Tampa Event Scene
Scenario B: The "I Love My Boyfriend But..." Vibe
You love him. He’s your best friend. But the idea of being "the wife" or the thought of forever-intimacy with a man makes you feel itchy. You find yourself constantly Googling "lesbian symptoms" or "how to know if I'm gay." Most straight or bisexual people don't spend hours every night trying to prove they aren't gay. The "seeking" itself is often the biggest clue.
Actionable Steps for the Confused
Stop taking the quizzes for a second. Put the phone down.
- The "Future Self" Exercise: Close your eyes and imagine your life ten years from now. You’re coming home to a quiet house. Someone is there waiting for you. Don't think about "labels." Who is that person? What does their presence feel like? If you find yourself consistently imagining a woman or a non-binary person, and the idea of a man being there feels like an intrusion or a "default" you’re settling for, sit with that.
- Audit Your Media: Look at your TikTok feed, your Pinterest boards, the shows you watch. Who are you really looking at? We often curate our external worlds to match our internal desires before we’re ready to admit it to ourselves.
- Find "Your" People: Read memoirs by bisexual and lesbian authors. In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado or Greedy by Jen Winston are great places to start. See which narrative feels like "home."
- Try on the Label: Tell yourself, out loud, in the mirror: "I am a lesbian." See how it tastes. Then say, "I am bisexual." Which one makes you feel like you can breathe deeper? Which one feels like a weight being lifted?
- Stop Searching for Proof: You don’t need a "smoking gun." You don’t need a traumatic story or a "gold star" history. You just need to be honest about what makes you feel alive right now.
The quest for the perfect am i bi or lesbian quiz is usually a quest for permission. Permission to be who you are, permission to change your mind, and permission to stop trying so hard to fit into a box that was built for someone else.
Whatever result you get, remember that you are the ultimate authority on your own heart. No algorithm can tell you who to love better than you can. Labels are meant to help you find your community and understand your desires; they aren't meant to be another source of stress. Take a breath. You're doing fine.
Practical Next Steps for Self-Discovery
If you’re still feeling stuck, move away from the screen and into your own life. Start a "no-pressure" journal. For the next two weeks, write down every time you feel a genuine spark of attraction or interest in someone—real or fictional. Don't analyze it. Just record it.
At the end of the two weeks, look for patterns. Are the men you’re "attracted" to all fictional vampires who don’t actually exist? Are the women real people you encounter in your daily life?
Also, consider talking to a LGBTQ+ affirming therapist if you have access to one. Sometimes having a neutral third party to bounce these "comphet vs. reality" thoughts off of can clear the fog faster than any online test.
The goal isn't to reach a finish line. The goal is to live a life that feels authentic to you. Whether that's under the bi flag, the lesbian flag, or no flag at all, you're exactly where you need to be.