You just met someone. They are incredible. Honestly, they’re almost too incredible. Within three days, they’re texting you "good morning" and "goodnight" like it’s a legal requirement. By week two, they are talking about that cabin in Vermont you’ll buy together in five years. You feel like the protagonist of a movie. But then, that tiny, nagging voice in the back of your head starts whispering. You find yourself Googling am i being love bombed at 2:00 AM because something feels... fast.
It’s an overwhelming sensation.
The term "love bombing" isn’t just some trendy TikTok buzzword; it’s a specific psychological tactic. Psychologists like Dr. Dale Archer have described it as a form of "operant conditioning." Basically, the person floods you with affection to get you hooked on the dopamine hit of their approval. It feels like a dream, but usually, it’s the precursor to a nightmare.
The anatomy of the "perfect" start
Real love usually takes time to simmer. It’s a slow burn. Love bombing is a forest fire.
If you're wondering "am i being love bombed," look at the intensity. Is it constant? We’re talking about 50 texts a day. They want to know every detail of your life before you even know their middle name. They might say things like, "I’ve never felt this way about anyone before," or "We are soulmates, I just know it." This is called "future faking." They are selling you a version of a future that doesn't actually exist to keep you tethered to the present.
Think about the gifts.
Getting flowers on a third date is sweet. Getting a $500 designer bag or a surprise trip to Mexico on the third date? That’s a red flag disguised as a grand gesture. It creates a "debt of gratitude." You feel like you owe them your time, your loyalty, and eventually, your boundaries.
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Why does it feel so good?
Our brains are suckers for validation.
When someone puts you on a pedestal, your brain releases a massive amount of oxytocin and dopamine. It’s literally addictive. This is why people stay in these situations even when things start to get weird. You’re chasing that initial "high" from the first few weeks.
There’s also the "mirroring" aspect. A love bomber will often adopt your hobbies, your opinions, and your quirks. If you love 90s shoegaze music, suddenly they do too. If you hate cilantro, they think it’s the devil’s herb. It makes you feel "seen." In reality, they are just reflecting your own personality back at you to build a false sense of intimacy.
The shift: From pedestal to pavement
Love bombing is only phase one.
Once they feel they have "won" you—once you are committed, moved in, or isolated from your friends—the bombing stops. Suddenly, the person who couldn't stop texting you is cold. They’re "busy." They’re annoyed by the things they used to love about you. This is the devaluation phase.
It's a trap.
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You spend all your energy trying to get back to the "honeymoon" phase. You think, If I just work harder, if I’m just more patient, they’ll go back to how they were. But that person you fell in love with? They were a character. They were a curated version of a human designed to bypass your defenses.
Real-world signs that aren't just "romance"
- Pace: Everything is moving at 100mph. They want to meet your parents immediately. They want to move in.
- Isolation: They subtly (or not so subtly) start complaining about your friends. "Your sister is so negative, she doesn't want us to be happy."
- No Boundaries: If you say you need a night alone, they get hurt or angry. They make you feel guilty for having a life outside of them.
- Over-the-top Praise: They don't just like you; they think you're a god/goddess. It feels disproportionate to how long they’ve known you.
Distinguishing between "The Spark" and Love Bombing
This is the hard part.
Sometimes people are just excited. New Relationship Energy (NRE) is a real thing. So, how do you tell the difference?
The biggest indicator is how they react to the word "no."
Try a test. Tell them you can't hang out on Friday because you need a "me" night or you're seeing a friend. A healthy, excited person will say, "Totally get it, have fun! Can't wait for Saturday." A love bomber will pout. They might guilt trip you. They might show up at your house anyway with "surprises" to "cheer you up."
Respecting boundaries is the ultimate litmus test. Love bombers view boundaries as obstacles to be demolished.
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Trust your gut (Seriously)
That "butterfly" feeling in your stomach? Sometimes it’s not excitement. It’s anxiety.
If you feel like you're on a roller coaster, ask yourself why. Healthy relationships are usually... kind of boring at first? They’re stable. They’re predictable. If you feel like you have to be "on" all the time or that you’re living in a high-stakes drama, you probably are.
Actionable steps to regain your balance
If you suspect you're in this cycle, don't panic. You aren't "stupid" for falling for it. These people are professionals at this.
- Slow. It. Down. Tell them you want to take things more slowly. If they truly care about you, they will respect that pace. If they vanish or explode, you have your answer.
- Check in with your "Council of Truth." Talk to your two most honest friends. Tell them exactly what’s happening—not the edited version. Listen to their reactions.
- Maintain your routine. Do not cancel your gym sessions, your book clubs, or your family dinners for this new person. Keep your feet on the ground.
- Journal the facts. Write down what they say versus what they do. Love bombers are big on words but often fall short on consistent, long-term actions.
- Research Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). While not every love bomber has NPD, the "Idealize, Devalue, Discard" cycle is a hallmark of the disorder. Understanding the mechanics can help take the emotion out of it.
You deserve a love that grows like a tree, not one that explodes like a firework and leaves you in the dark. If it feels too good to be true, it’s okay to pause and look at the map. You are allowed to protect your heart.
Stop asking am i being love bombed and start asking "Does this person actually know me well enough to love me yet?" Usually, the answer is no. Give it time. Real connection doesn't require a sprint.