Ever felt that weird, nagging twitch in your gut when a neighbor pulls up in a car that’s just a little bit nicer than yours? It’s not quite hatred. It’s not even full-blown jealousy. It’s just this persistent, low-grade fever of "I want that too." We’ve spent decades calling this "keeping up with the Joneses," but honestly, the dynamic has shifted. In modern sociological circles and casual street slang alike, having a jones for a smith—or wanting what the "Smiths" of the world possess—has become the shorthand for our era’s specific brand of status anxiety.
It’s a craving. That’s what a "jones" is, after all.
Originally, the term "jones" emerged from 1960s drug culture to describe a fix, but it bled into the mainstream to mean any intense, soul-deep yearning. When you apply that to social competition, things get messy. We aren’t just looking at the family next door anymore. We’re looking at the "Smiths" on Instagram, the curated "Smiths" on LinkedIn, and the billionaire "Smiths" who make our six-figure salaries look like pocket change. It’s exhausting.
The Evolution of the Social Benchmark
Why do we do this? Evolutionarily speaking, we’re wired to scan our environment for who’s winning. If the person next to you has better tools or a sturdier shelter, your lizard brain screams that you’re at a disadvantage. It’s survival stuff.
But today, having a jones for a smith isn't about survival. It's about identity.
In the classic 1970s and 80s, the "Joneses" were tangible. You could see their lawn. You knew if they bought a new riding mower because you heard it on Saturday morning. Today, the "Smiths" are digital ghosts. They are influencers who get paid to look like they aren't trying. They are the friends-of-friends who only post the highlight reel of their Maldives vacation, conveniently omitting the twelve-hour flight delay or the credit card debt funding the whole trip.
Social psychologists often point to "Relative Deprivation Theory." This is the idea that we don't judge our well-being based on an absolute standard. Instead, we compare ourselves to the people we perceive as our peers—the Smiths. If you make $100,000 in a neighborhood where everyone makes $50,000, you feel like a king. If you make that same $100,000 in a zip code where the "Smiths" are clearing $500,000, you feel poor. It’s a trick of the light. A cruel one.
The Dopamine Trap of Modern Comparison
When you see someone else’s success, your brain does something interesting. It triggers the ventral striatum. This is the part of your brain associated with rewards. When you feel you're "falling behind," your brain registers it as a loss of status, which can actually feel physically painful. It’s why scrolling through social media at 11 PM can leave you feeling drained rather than inspired.
You’ve got a jones. You need the hit.
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You buy the shoes. You book the trip. You post the photo. The dopamine hits. But then, the Smiths post something else. The cycle resets. Honestly, it's a treadmill that never stops unless you step off.
Why We Pick the Wrong People to Copy
Here is where it gets really weird. We don't usually compare ourselves to people who are vastly different from us. You probably don't have a jones for Jeff Bezos's yacht. It’s too far out of reach; it’s basically fiction.
We compare ourselves to people who are just a step above us.
- The colleague who got the promotion you wanted.
- The high school friend who seems to have the "perfect" marriage.
- The neighbor whose kids are all D1 athletes.
These are our Smiths. We think, "If they can do it, and we're similar, why haven't I done it?" This is what researchers call "Upward Social Comparison." While it can occasionally motivate people to work harder, more often than not, it leads to burnout and a chronic sense of inadequacy.
The Cost of the "Jones" Mentality
Let's talk about the actual, literal cost. According to various consumer debt studies over the last five years, a significant portion of household debt is "conspicuous consumption." This is spending money you don't really have to buy things you don't really need to impress people you don't really like.
It’s the $800 car payment on a $60,000 income.
It’s the kitchen renovation that was done "because the old one looked dated," even though the appliances worked perfectly fine.
When you have a jones for a smith, your financial health is usually the first thing to go. You trade your future freedom for a present-day facade. It’s a bad trade. Every single time.
Breaking the Cycle: How to Stop Caring About the Smiths
So, how do you actually stop? You can’t just "turn off" your brain’s social receptors. We are social animals. We care about what others think because, for most of human history, being cast out of the group meant death.
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But we can hack the system.
First, recognize the "Curated Reality" factor. Nobody posts their bankruptcy filings. Nobody shares the photo of their kid having a meltdown in the grocery store (well, some do, but it’s usually for "relatability" points). When you see the Smiths, you are seeing a product, not a person.
Audit Your Inputs
If you find yourself constantly wanting what others have, look at your "feed." Not just your digital one, but your physical one.
- Mute the triggers. If a specific person’s posts consistently make you feel "less than," hit the mute button. You don't have to unfollow them and make it a "thing." Just remove the stimulus.
- Define your "Enough." This is the hardest part. Most of us have never sat down and decided what a "good life" actually looks like without looking at someone else’s version of it.
- Practice Downward Comparison (Gently). Instead of looking at who has more, look at how far you’ve come relative to your past self. That’s the only comparison that actually matters.
The Counter-Intuitive Truth About Success
Ironically, the people who are the most successful—the ones who become the "Smiths" everyone else wants to be—usually aren't looking at anyone else. They are obsessed with their own craft, their own goals, and their own internal metrics.
When you have a jones for a smith, you are effectively living someone else’s life. You are chasing their goals. You are buying their tastes.
What happens if you catch them? You just find yourself standing in a house you don't like, wearing clothes that don't fit your personality, wondering why you still feel empty. Because you chased a ghost.
Real-World Example: The "Silicon Valley" Syndrome
Look at the tech world. You have founders who are worth $50 million who feel like "failures" because their peers are worth $500 million. This isn't a theory; it’s a documented phenomenon in high-performance hubs. They have a jones for a very specific type of Smith. It proves that the feeling of "not having enough" has almost nothing to do with how much you actually have.
It is entirely about the gap between your reality and your expectations.
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Actionable Steps to Kill the Craving
If you're ready to stop the cycle, you need a plan that goes beyond "just be grateful." Gratitude is great, but it’s a soft fix for a hard-wired problem.
Calculate the "Time Cost" of Your Desires
Next time you want something because someone else has it, don't look at the price tag in dollars. Look at it in hours. If that new SUV costs $60,000, and you take home $30 an hour after taxes, that car is 2,000 hours of your life. Is looking like the Smiths worth a year of your working life? Usually, the answer is a hard no.
Diversify Your Social Circle
If everyone you hang out with has the same income and the same consumption habits, you’re in an echo chamber. Mix it up. Talk to people in different stages of life, different economic brackets, and different cultures. It broadens your perspective on what "normal" looks like.
The 48-Hour Rule
When the "jones" hits for a specific purchase, wait 48 hours. The peak of the dopamine hit—the "need" to match the Smiths—usually fades within two days. If you still want it after the chemical spike has cleared, then maybe it’s a genuine desire.
Invest in "Invisible" Wealth
The Smiths spend money on things people can see. You should spend money on things people can’t see. A robust emergency fund. A paid-off mortgage. A retirement account that lets you sleep at night. There is no social media "flex" for a high net worth and low lifestyle cost, but the peace of mind it brings is better than any "like" you'll ever get.
Ultimately, having a jones for a smith is just a sign that you haven't decided what you value yet. Once you anchor yourself in your own priorities, the Smiths can do whatever they want. They can buy the moon. It won't matter to you, because you're too busy enjoying the life you actually built for yourself.
Stop looking next door. Start looking inward.
The most "Smith-like" thing you can actually do is become someone who doesn't care what the Smiths are doing. That is the ultimate status symbol.
Practical Next Steps:
- Identify your top three "envy triggers" (is it cars, vacations, or career titles?) and acknowledge them when they pop up.
- Unsubscribe from marketing emails that trigger a "must-have" response.
- Set a "Comparison-Free" day once a week where you stay off social media entirely to reset your baseline.
- Redirect that energy into a hobby or skill that provides internal satisfaction rather than external validation.