I think it just need a contrast bump in the mid-tones, and instead of orange for shading the yellow stripes it should follow the hue trend of the other shades, so it would be less warm? You could compensate on the saturation to keep a similar value.

Dodonpachi stuff looks a bit more gritty, and uses a lot more internal outlining, I prefer your take.

I am more curious about horizontal shape of the orange part of the stripes on the front cannon, shouldn't those angle downwards? I think you did like this because you designed them already angled towards the top of the cannon, and then the perspective cancel that out, rendering them horizontal from a higher view. That would be correct, but the casual viewer probably wouldn't know that (unless you show an iso of the same ship in other directions), and it seems a bit confusing that the the cannon is octagonal in profile but the shading of the strips ignore the slanted faces.